Thanksgiving is not one of the holidays I grew up with in the Philippines—and so, although I have much to be thankful for, every year on this special day I find myself wishing that I had written a seasonal theatre piece to be performed entirely by actors dressed as turkeys, a spoof of Ibsen’s HEDDA GABLER, except that mine would be called HEAD OF GOBBLER.
Since I have yet to write this play, this year I’m just going to amuse myself by searching YouTube for the video clip of Sarah Palin yakking away in that turkey farm in Alaska, totally unaware of that man in the background who’s nonchalantly stuffing one live turkey after another into those deadly decapitating machines. We’ll need that man again, to do unto us what he did unto those turkeys, if and when Sarah Palin decides to run for anything except dog-catcher or moose-hunter or fish-monger in 2012.
“Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.” And now, while you’re carving the carcass, can I have The Pope’s Nose? And a bit of everything else, please. And for dessert….What? No pumpkin or mincemeat pie? Only Baked Alaska?….Well, then, I’ll just go rogue and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”