Paul July 27th, 2010
News leaking out of BP indicates that wayward CEO Tony Hayward is stepping down in October, and will be assigned to a key post at TNK-BP in Russia, where he will presumably oversee all offshore drilling for oil in that part of the world. No one is saying it, but I have a deep suspicion that Hayward might be CIA’s new undercover agent to undermine the Russian economy and ruin its ecology. While over there, he will, of course, hook up with defrocked Russian spy Anna Chapman, and they’ll ooze out their lives happily ever after.
Tags: Anna Chapman, BP, TNK-BP, Tony Hayward
Paul June 25th, 2010
Scientists at Ocean Alliance, a research and conservation group, recently released a report which shows that “sperm whales feeding even in the most remote reaches of Earth’s oceans have built up stunningly high levels of toxic and heavy metals like cadmium, aluminum, chromium, lead, silver, mercury and titanium.” Industry dumps these things into the oceans, the fish are contaminated, the whales eat the fish, and we’re eating the same things the whales are eating, perhaps eating the whales as well while we’re at it. Ahhh, what waiters in fancy restaurants don’t tell us when we’re ordering “the catch of the day,” or when we’re being poisoned slowly at our favorite sushi bar. Tell your kids there’s no point trying to find Nemo or the little mermaid. They’re dead. And we will be, too, if we don’t wake up to what goes on in “the water planet.” BP isn’t the only culprit here.
Tags: BP, Finding Nemo, Little Mermaid, Ocean Alliance, sperm whales, sushi, Water Planet
Paul June 17th, 2010
Now that BP has made Big Promises to make Big Payments (industry experts say the $20 billion in escrow will grow to $65 billion by the time this is all over), and now that BP has also provided some unintended comic relief by allowing Big People to laugh at the expense of “small people,” we all need to start filling up our gas-guzzling SUVs and RVs this summer at BP stations all over America, to make sure that BP stays solvent as a company, that it does not go into bankruptcy, that British Pensioners can continue to enjoy their cuppa as their American cousins cry all the way to the bank. Drill, baby, drill. Keep the oil coming. Plug that hole. Why does it all sound like Big Porno?
Tags: BP
Paul May 26th, 2010
Says President Obama to BP.
Says the rabbit to the tree after Alice fell into Wonderland.
Says American cheese to Swiss cheese.
Says the flat tire to the garage mechanic.
Says the IRS to all the loopy tax laws.
Says the dike to the little Dutch boy.
Says the wounded gunman to the Mafia medic.
Says the unhappy stigmatist to God in heaven.
Says the dietician to the obese teenager.
Says the porn star to the dentist.
Says the Octogenarian Mom to her obstetrician.
Says the pharmacist to the leaky bottomless dancer.
Says a reformed Tiger Woods to another acquiescent cocktail waitress.
Says the priest to the altar boy.
Says the bishop to the priest.
Says the Pope to the bishop.
Says Who to the Pope?
Tags: BP, Obama, Tiger Woods
Paul May 9th, 2010
Back in 1999, when one of my plays was in competition at the Edward Albee Theatre Conference at Prince William Sound Community College in Valdez, Alaska, site of the disastrous Exxon oil spill, there were lots of cocktail parties given by the oil companies for people attending the conference. Albee himself told us to be sure not to miss the one being hosted by British Petroleum. ”You know what BP stands for, don’t you?” the playwright asked mischievously. “BIG PRAWNS! Lots of BIG PRAWNS!”
Well, given the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, thanks this time to British Petroleum, I’m afraid we’ll now get DEAD PRAWNS! Lots of DEAD PRAWNS! To say nothing of dead fish, dead birds, dead turtles, dead dolphins, dead whales. Maybe also DEAD PEOPLE! Lots of DEAD PEOPLE!
My play which was in competition at Prince William Sound back in 1999 was called “Report to the River.” It won the top prize at the conference. It was about a river, but it wasn’t about the Exxon oil spill. Maybe it’s time to write another one, and this time not just about a river.
Tags: BP, British Petroleum, Edward Albee, Exxon, Prince William Sound, Report to the River, Valdez Alaska
