Paul February 24th, 2010
Not to be outdone by her erstwhile partner in sin, who has now been seen suavely clothed in TV talkshows and hirsutely unclothed in Playgirl magazine, Bristol Palin has agreed to appear as herself on the ABC Family drama series “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” The 19-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin will be featured in an episode dealing with the consequences of condomless fornication and teen pregnancy. Since Bristol did not get famously pregnant all by her lonesome self, inquiring minds want to know if we’ll get to see her “Makin’ Whoopee” with Levi Johnston. To boost ratings, ABC Family should change the title of the show from “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” to “The Secretions of the American Teenager.” Reality TV doesn’t get better than this. It isn’t porno, it’s Sex Education.
Tags: "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", ABC Family drama, Briston Palin, Levi Johnston, Playgirl magazine, Sarah Palin
Paul December 16th, 2009
At a time when newspaper and magazine readers seem to be abandoning print for sexier electronic media, one might expect Time magazine to select someone more bankable for its much-anticipated 2009 Person of the Year cover story—Sarah Palin? Tiger Woods? The Gate Crashers at the White House? Heck, maybe even the Balloon Boy. But no. The honor goes to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. My guess is, most Americans will say “Ben Who?” and reach for The National Inquirer at the grocery store checkout counter. But wait. Maybe the publisher of Time had a secret deal with everyone on Wall Street to buy a thousand copies of the magazine with their hefty Christmas bonuses, to roll up and use as Yuletide logs in their cozy multi-million dollar homes, as the rest of us continue to shiver and slobber in ours while poring over unsatisfying centerfolds of Carrie Prejean or Levi Johnston. I guess only Time will tell.
Tags: 2009 Person of the Year, Balloon Boy, Ben Bernanke, Carrie Prejean, Gate Crashers at the White House, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, The National Inquirer, Tiger Woods, Time magaine
Paul November 10th, 2009
Ex-Miss California Carrie Prejean was hawking her autobiography on Fox News last night. During the cheery interview with Hannity, she coyly revealed that there is a solo sex video of her floating around, the result of a youthful indiscretion, something she made for her boyfriend at the time. It isn’t clear whether this was before or after her famous breast implants.
Her autobiography is called STILL STANDING, which makes me wonder what position she’s in, upright or supine, in that video. In any case, now that she has told the whole world about it, why doesn’t she just throw in a DVD of the video with the book? It will allow her to compete better in the marketplace with Sarah Palin’s upcoming autobiography, and also with Levi Johnston’s forthcoming Playgirl centerfold.
Think about it. Carrie Prejean Sans Jeans! The Religious Right which she champions should be thrilled that she’s keeping righteous folks busy, turning the pages of her book and, if they’ve got the video, simultaneously reaching for the remote and pressing all the right buttons. Rest assured, there will be no idle hands in the devil’s workshop, not anymore, not with Carrie leading us all through the Pearly Gates!
Tags: Carrie Prejean, Fox News, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin
Paul October 27th, 2009
The Huffington Post reports that Levi Johnston, the 19-year-old stud muffin who fathered Sarah Palin’s illegitimate grandson, has been hitting the gym in Anchorage three hours a day, six nights a week. He’s getting ready for his huge unveiling in Playgirl magazine. The shoot is scheduled to take place in mid-November, so the pictures will be out in time for Christmas. Right now, only Santa knows for sure whether Levi will be naughty or nice, but it’s been confirmed that the pictures are ”90% certain to be full-frontal nudity.” This could turn out to be the perfect stocking stuffer for the holidays, unless Levi himself turns out to be stuffed with stockings. Unzippity doo dah!
Tags: Levi Johnston, Playgirl magazine, Santa, Sarah Palin, The Huffington Post
