Archive for the tag 'Sam Brownback'

18 November 2011: Talking Turkey with Sam Brownback

Paul November 18th, 2011

Ostensibly because the end-of-the-year holidays starting with Thanksgiving are traditionally stressful times for families trying their best not to be quarrelsome or dysfunctional, Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has issued a proclamation declaring Nov. 17-23 “A Week of Reconciliation.”  He’s urging “all Kansans to contact and attempt to reconcile with anyone with whom they are estranged by harsh feelings or anger” because, “when past wrongs are admitted and reconciliation is sought, a stronger relationship can be forged for the future.”

This is all quite admirable, so I expect the good governor, who is one of the most unforgiving Republican anti-abortion advocates in the country, to reach out now to all his liberal freedom-loving Democrat pro-choice constituents in Kansas who would like to talk turkey with him if he can only take his mind off all those “buns in the oven.”

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18 September 2011: Mrs. Sam Brownback Has a Mission!

Paul September 18th, 2011

Kansas First Lady Mary Brownback says it’s important to promote literacy.  ”If you can’t read, it’s awfully hard to get a job, and you can’t develop to your full potential,” she opined wisely in an interview which appears in today’s Lawrence Journal-World.

And so the governor’s wife is launching the Kansas Book Festival, an annual event which will open next Saturday at the Kansas Historical Society in Topeka. In attendance will be more than 30 writers from Kansas or who have strong Kansas connections.

It isn’t clear who’s going to pay for all this.  According to the Journal-World, Mrs. Brownback established the festival as a nonprofit organization, with the goal of it becoming a self-sufficient organization within a few years. She believes it will also enable the organization to give out grants to school and public libraries around the state.

And what does her husband think of all this?  That isn’t clear either, but here’s a quick look at how Kansas Governor Sam Brownback voted in Congress on various matters with regard to education.

Gov. Brownback voted NO on spending $338B of tax cut on education & debt reduction (4 April 2001).

Gov. Brownback voted NO on funding smaller classes instead of private tutors (15 May 2001).

Gov. Brownback voted NO on shifting $11B from corporate tax loopholes to education (17 March 2005).

Gov. Brownback voted NO on $5B for grants to local educational agencies (26 October 2005).

Gov. Brownback voted NO on $52M for “21st century community learning centers (27 October 2005).

Gov. Brownback voted NO on additional $10.2B for federal education & HHS projects (23 October 2006).

Gov. Brownback voted NO on the College Cost Reduction and Access Act (27 September 2007).

And, of course, Gov. Brownback does not believe in evolution, nor in global warming.

I think Mary Brownback has her job cut out for her.  If she wants the Kansas Book Festival to be properly funded, she’ll need Sam’s support.  She needs to get him to read her lips.  To that end, she should herself begin by reading Lysistrata, the ancient Greek comedy by Aristophanes, which shows women how best to get their husbands to give them what they want, by getting off their backs.

Good luck, and good night.

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19 August 2011: The Logic to Brownback’s Madness

Paul August 19th, 2011

Kansas Republican Gov. Sam Brownback has just signed into law three controversial measures related to his own personal religious anti-abortion beliefs.  This, in the wake of his shutting down not just planned parenthood clinics in Kansas, but also the Kansas Arts Commission, and the SRS office in Lawrence.  Additionally, let’s not forget his raising the speed limit on Kansas interstate highways from 70 to 75 mph, plus the persistent rumor that he intends to get rid of the mandatory seat belt law in Kansas because it’s just one more sign of Big Government intervention in the lives of private citizens.

Well, I’ve decided that there’s good logic to Gov. Brownback’s seeming madness.  If getting rid of planned parenthood and abortion in Kansas increases the population and thus also the poverty-level of Kansans, leading to more Kansans in need of Social and Rehabilitation Services, then the figures will all even out after you factor in the number of Kansans who will speedily speed to their deaths (with or without their seat belts on) while getting away with driving 80 mph under the new 75 mph limit.

Of course, that’s just physical mortality.  So, what about the arts and art education?  Forget it.  In dire economic times, the arts are luxuries.  No need to feed the soul when bodies need to be fed first. Plant wheat, corn and soybeans. Raise pigs, cows and chickens.  Chairman Mao had the same idea for China back in the late 1960s and early 1970s, and look where they are now. The Chinese own America, so now they can afford to enjoy the artistic fruits of our democracy. What’s good enough for the Chinese should be good enough for Kansans.

Coming soon to a bookstore near you:  BROWNBACK’S LITTLE RED BOOK FOR BLEEDING KANSAS.

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11 May 2011: Artless in Kansas!

Paul May 11th, 2011

Republican Gov. Sam Brownback has now fired all five employees of the Kansas Arts Commission. I’m sure what money this saves the sorry State of Kansas can now be shifted to any further campaigns the artless governor might have against Planned Parenthood and Abortion.  By all means, let’s have more unwanted kids in more crumbling classrooms with more underpaid teachers who should teach only what the Bible preaches.  After all, Jesus never went to an art gallery; the twelve apostles  never put on any ballet tights (or worse, tutus); and St. Paul would have stoned all wanton women to death the likes of Carmen, Lucia, Aida, Norma, Tosca, Violetta, and Cio-Cio San, who might have done the right thing by having that luckless baby out of wedlock, but who most certainly would have ended up an illegal alien had she followed Col. Pinkerton to America.

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29 March 2011: Kill All Them Critters Quietly!

Paul March 29th, 2011

Thanks to the lobbying efforts of the National Rifle Association, the Kansas Legislature has now approved a bill that would allow the use of silencers for hunting, fishing and fur harvesting.  Gov. Sam Brownback is expected to sign the bill with no loud outcries from the air, nor from the field and stream.  So now we can kill all them critters quietly.  And maybe also that hawkish neighbor across the street who drinks like a fish and behaves like an ass.

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14 January 2011: Cash Cows in Kansas!

Paul January 14th, 2011

Republican Governor Sam Brownback’s new budget plan for Kansas has moolah to help grow economic sectors such as “animal health,” whatever that may be, but will cut grants to community mental health centers by $10 million.  His budget recommendations also include shutting down the state hospital (i.e., the Kansas Neurological Institute in Topeka) for developmentally disabled Kansans by 2014.  I hope to God the next crazy gunman who shoots his or her way into our lives does not come from Kansas.

How now, brown cow?

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