Mykee, a very special keeshond whom Dr. Tom Liebl had nicknamed “the miracle dog” because of everything she had been through, died in my arms, her eyes weary but wide open, at noon on Friday 9 March 2012. She was 14 years, 9 months and 2 days old.
Mykee had survived extensive surgery (for cancer) and chemo treatments not just once but twice, so I was certain she would also survive the severe edema which started to bloat her hind legs four months ago. I had been warned about the many possible side effects of edema, but I was not really ready to see her losing her once plush silver and black fur in great big clumps. She too seemed perplexed and saddened by the sight of her own bare skin, shivering with cold and embarrassment every time she went outdoors to do her business. Nonetheless, Dr. Tom Liebl, who had been caring for her ever since she was a puppy, reassured me Mykee was not undergoing any pain or discomfort, that her “quality of life” was still good. This went on for a couple of months.
But then, on Wednesday, Mykee suddenly stopped eating. When she showed no interest in any of the treats that she normally barked and danced for, ignoring even the crunchy Chinese fortune cookies which she gets only on special occasions, I knew it was the beginning of the end. Two days later, when she whimpered and gave me the usual signal that she needed to go outside, I did not respond quickly enough, and she left a horrifying trail of blood from the house all the way to the backyard. Afterwards, she refused to come back into the house, perhaps out of guilt about what had just happened, or maybe she simply wanted to savor the sunshine one last time in the yard she had romped in for nearly fifteen years.
She was too weak to protest when I wrapped and scooped her up in her favorite blanket, rushing her to Clinton Parkway Animal Hospital, where Dr. Liebl examined her briefly, and said quietly, “She’s tired.”
It was Dr. Liebl’s way of telling me to let go, that it was time to let go. Perhaps I had been in deep denial all along, refusing to believe that Mykee had been losing weight, when she had in fact dropped ten pounds in just a couple of weeks. And so, reluctantly, I cradled Mykee in my arms for the last time. She was looking at me with those wondrous eyes of hers, eyes no longer luminous because she was now weary beyond comprehension, when Dr. Liebl solemnly administered the merciful relief that she needed.
And now, twelve days later, I continue to find myself fixating on Mykee’s final moments. Did she see her whole life flashing by within seconds, the way it’s rumored to happen for us human beings? Do the snapshots in her mind begin with memories of her parents in the puppy farm in Beloit, KS where she was born…followed by images of her being transported to the pet shop in Topeka where I first held her in my arms and fell in love with her spectacular keeshond eyes…then her coming home with me to Lawrence to meet Imelda, a 10-year-old keeshond who had been diagnosed with cancer, and for whom I had acquired Mykee, thinking she might give the older dog a new lease on life; that Imelda might be inspired to teach the young pup “the rules of the house.”
But, this was not to be. Imelda was terminally ill and in no mood to frolic with a puppy. Friends said it was cruel of me to torment the old dog with the new object of my affection (in retrospect, making me no different from someone like Newt Gingrich, who traded in his cancer-stricken first wife for a healthier and younger model, then dumped the second wife for yet another younger model).
And so, while Imelda was still alive, I arranged to board Mykee with a kindly breeder in North Lawrence, who agreed to keep and train Mykee in his house like he would his own dog. I visited the rambunctious puppy twice a day for the next four weeks, not bringing her home again until after Imelda had died.
The kindly breeder in North Lawrence had worked wonders with Mykee, training her not only to be ladylike and hygienic, but also not to chew on anything indoors except designated toys, and not to chase or bark at squirrels and rabbits outdoors because they were God’s creatures who were also entitled to play there.
What I didn’t know about the kindly breeder was, that he did not allow any other dogs inside his house the whole time Mykee was there, only cats, four of them, so Mykee had been socialized primarily with cats. Forever thereafter, Mykee would look at all other dogs indifferently, even disdainfully, because she didn’t think she was a servile dog; she thought she was an aristocratic cat. She ran skittishly like a cat, crouched and jumped like a cat, licked and groomed herself like a cat. She may have been as loyal as a dog, but she was also as independent as a cat. This was really quite delightful. I had the best of both worlds, a lovable keeshond who was not only Mykee, but also Mykitty.
I wonder if Mykee’s snapshot memories continue with the time she broke her tooth chewing on a bone, and I had to drive her to Columbia, MO, where there was a special dentist who performed root canals on dogs….of our many other lengthy car trips for summer vacations in Toronto, Montreal, Mount Rushmore, Santa Fe, Cleveland, Dallas, St. Louis, Madison, Omaha, Eureka Springs. Closer to home, she loved our frequent outings to the KU campus and Dad Perry Park, and Saturday mornings at the Farmer’s Market in downtown Lawrence. Everywhere we went, people admired her and wanted to pet her, but she was a shy girl, and always looked to me to protect her from the kindness of strangers.
What did Mykee see at noon on Friday 9 March 2012 as I cradled her in my arms? Her eyes were open when Dr. Liebl administered the injection, and they remained open even after he cheked to make sure that she had stopped breathing, that her little heart had stopped beating. Dr. Liebl tried to shut Mykee’s eyes, but they remained stubbornly open. She continued to look at me. The good doctor said I could stay in the room with Mykee, be alone with her for as long as I needed to be, but I declined and rushed away. Her eyes were open, and I did not want her to witness my grief.
A week later, I received the following letter from Dr. Liebl:
“Paul, I know I will never find the words that can bring comfort to a heart that has lost a great friend, but I want you to know how sad I am for you. Mykee was a truly great dog, a faithful companion and, from a medical standpoint, a survivor like no other. The love, care and diligence you extended to her will never be rivaled. So many months/years passed that would never have been possible without your efforts. And she always let the world know how much she appreciated our efforts by always being the most gentle and ‘willing’ patient I have ever seen. I will never forget her or her greatness, and will cherish my time with her. Sincerely, Tom.”
I was numb, had been on automatic pilot for over a week. But when I read this letter from Dr.Liebl, I finally broke down, and the tears came.
Hello Paul,
Such a sweetsad reminiscence and touching
eulogy from sympatico vet.
Regards to Grant.
Stephen
Manila
What a deep, loving tribute. I hope it helps to fill the void.
Paul,
I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of Mykee, she was such a faithful companion to you, and I know what a loving and doting papa you were to her, despite her last several years of medical challenges.
My deepest condolences.
Love,
David
Paul,
Such a wonderful tribute to a kees that was lucky enough to be found by you. She had a wonderful life and got as she gave. Every kees should be so lucky. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Judy
From David Bergeron and Geraldo Sousa:
Paul,
Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful memories. Both of us so sorry. Our hearts go out to you. Mykee was very sweet indeed, and always so well behaved and quiet whenever we were there in your house.
Take good care of yourself,
David and Geraldo
Paul–I knew Mykee was not in the best shape, but it’s still hard to believe she’s gone. A delightful companion for a long, long time.
Dick (and Virginia)
From Caroline Jewers:
“Oh Paul! I am so, so sorry to hear this news….Mykee could not have had a better life than the one she shared with you.”
From Ione Unruh:
“Bless Mykee’s heart and yours too. You did your very best for that little dog’s life.”
From Paul Hough:
“Sorry. I know this is a profound loss for you.”
From Milet J. Leuterio:
“I’m truly sorry, Paul. But I am glad you wrote this piece. Thank you.”
From Mary Catherine Davidson:
“Was petting a Keeshond in the dog park today . . . thinking of what Mykee brought to your life . . . . My condolences, Paul.”
From Ling-Lung Chen:
“Just read your piece on remembering Mykee. It’s very moving, very sweet. Through you and Mykee, I understand a little better what a loving, loyal companion means across species. I never knew that she perceived herself as an aristocratic cat, and she was such a gentle noble lady–unlike those nasty ones in Korean soap operas! Thank you for sharing memories of Mykee, I will continue to remember her in my daily prayers. Let me know when you are doing a little service in your back yard for her.”
From Gregg Henry:
“Oh Paul, I’m so sorry. Nice to think she’s romping with my Sam and Duffy, though….questing for Elysium squirrels. Love to you.”
From Alan Newton:
“I remember how fond you were of her, even in her younger years. She couldn’t have had a better companion.”
From Lori Askeland:
“So sorry to hear about this–but a lovely tribute, Paul.”
From Sheilah Philip:
“Paul, we lost our old dog last September. He was 14+ and had seen me through so many of life’s ups and downs. I know Mykee did the same for you. My sympathies.”
From Darren Canady:
“So sorry to hear about this, Paul. Certainly sending you my best.”
From Jeremy Auman:
“Oh No. I’m So Sorry, Paul. Mykee will be missed.”
An e-card from Rich Kaler and Brad Knauss:
Dear Paul,
We are sending our warmest regards to you now. Take care of yourself. When you feel like it–let’s get together and have dinner or something else nice.
Fondly,
Rich and Brad
From Jun Gonzales and family…Mary Klayder….John Younger….Alicia Sutliff-Benusis….Kelsey Murrell….Whitney Rowland….Lee Saylor….
Our condolences, Paul….I am sorry, Paul….I’m sorry, Paul….I’m so sorry….I’m so sorry, Paul….So very sorry, Paul….So sorry to hear of your loss….
I am so sorry for your loss, Paul. What a loving tribute to her you’ve written.
From Megan Kate Smith:
“I was terribly saddened to read this, Paul. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Paul,
I feel privileged to have met Mykee and to have seen the great bond you shared!
Here’s to that fine friend,
Mary
Dear Paul — and Mykee,
The very special bond between you two was/is wondrous to contemplate. Our four-legged friends . . . what blessings!
Paul, your tribute to and loving concern for your pal are moving. We, too, have been privileged and pained to also make this journey. . . . But now with Mykee at peace, we hope that you, and Grant, and all of us will be able to celebrate and draw strength from her memory, and the comet tail that was/is her spirit, her animus. . . .
With loving best wishes,
Chuck (and Beth, Sammy and Zoe) Berg
Dear Paul,
Thanks for the obituary, which contains a comparison between you & two dogs and gingrich & his three wives (plus dalliances). Do not do injustice to yourself; you have taken proper care of dogs, while Gingrich would mistreat (“to treat someone as a dog” is a Dutch proverb expressing disapproval of the person doing the mistreatment) every American if he became president. So, how are you going to fill the void? It was a very moving piece.
Wout Ultee.
Sorry to hear you lost someone you loved. Not much one can say to console you for such a loss except that the pain one feels for such a loss validates Mykee’s life.
Ray
A wonderful memorial piece. Outclasses “What My Dog Meant to Me” by O. O. McIntyre in its sincerity. My heartfelt sympathy.
Dear Paul,
I am so sorry to hear about Mykee. She was such an incredible companion for you and I know how much you loved her.
Your tribute is beautiful. Please know that I am thinking of you and hope the deep love and gentle care you gave to Mykee will
bring you comfort as you grieve.
Love,
Kathy
From Jim Hartman:
What a beautiful commentary, Paul. May the memories linger even as the pain subsides over time. Healing thoughts to you.
From Kim Condon:
Paul,
That was profoundly beautiful. I only really met her that one time in Ames, but it was clear Mykee was a wonderful companion, and I’m so sorry to hear she is gone. You two were lucky to have found each other–a great match, if ever there was.
Sending healing energy your way.
Fondly,
Kim Condon
From Lori Whitten:
Paul,
I sure am sorry about Mykee. I’m sure you will have very fond memories of her. I know how you feel. My poor little Mocha had his final ride on February 9th. It’s sure hard, but I try to remember all the good times that he gave me.
Take care,
Lori
Paul,
I have just read your touching tribute to this love of your life. I am so sorry for your pain. I too have felt this feeling many times over the years as I have let my precious Keeshonden pass over to the Rainbow Bridge. I will be sending you photos soon of Jewel. She will not replace your precious Mykee, but she will open a new fountain in your heart and a new love will be born that will refresh and strengthen you.
MeLinda
Paul, what a lovely post. You were both lucky to have each other.
From Mary Davidson:
Paul,
I read it on facebook. Mykee had a long and happy life. Sad for you, though.
I sent a contribution to the Lawrence Humane Society but did not mention her.
Mary
I am sorry for your loss. Mykee must have really loved living with you to fight her illnesses so hard to stay by your side.
Paul-
I just read your moving tribute. Our pets are indeed our family. You write with such eloquence and insight. I have always admired that. You were always there for Mykee. To have Tom also there is truly a blessing. I cannot praise him enough. He has meant so much to me and our family of pets.
I will share with you what a psychic friend once said to me when I asked her about the death of my mother and the haunting and unusual “look” in her eyes as she tearfully looked at me and drifted away. “You must let me go now, I am tired and ready.”
Thinking of you. I hope we might get together for lunch one day soon. Let me know.
Dear Paul,
I was so saddened to hear about Mykee. Your sad and sweet reminiscences were a loving tribute of the bond you shared. May your heartfelt memories provide you strength through the difficult days ahead.
Loraine
Hi Paul,
So sorry for your loss. You shared a special bond with Mykee and she really was an extraordinary dog. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute.
Sending you lots of healing thoughts.
Ria
A second message from Mary Catherine Davidson:
Dear Paul,
I`ve taken some time to catch my breath and wrap my heart around what you have been going through since the ninth. It`s been so long since I`ve lost a pet that I can only slightly remember the pain. I can only imagine how great your pain is after so many years of loyal companionship and Mykee`s brand of furry tenacity.
I`m thinking of you, Paul.
With sympathy,
Mary Catherine
Paul,
My heart aches for you. Thank you for your eloquent words about Mykee. That task of writing those words surely was monstrous. May the pain of this loss fade to only wonderful remembrances of your time with a dear friend. Clearly Mykee’s life was enriched by your love and devotion.
Jeff
Paul,
Sorry to hear about the passing of your much beloved Mykee. I did not realize what a unique and rich history you shared with one another.
May the many fond memories you hold dear of her help sustain you at this time of your great loss.
With great sadness,
Helen
Paul- Have been thinking of you of late. This gives reason to think more. This winter I was driving down 9th st. passing our new skyscraper at 9th and New Hampshire. Coming out of the construction site was an old grizzly construction worker with scraps of debris for the dumpster. On this cold winter day this worn out worker was staying warm because he was wearing an EAT sweatshirt. As another worn out worker, please know that the memories are keeping me warm. Karl
oh paul, i’m sorry!
dear MyKee was so blessed to have found her perfect, meant-to-be, human pack-member to get to share her life with. you were so loving and caring of her, and she, with you. and you both knew it to your cores. it was sweet to behold. it breaks my heart to imagine how deeply you are hurting right now. your tribute to her is wonderful. clearly tom has been deeply touched by your most special girl too. Rest in Peace, Dear Mykee. maybe we’ll get to see you again on the other side — we would be so honored!
From Ken Willard:
So sorry to hear about Mykee. Dogs who are socialized by cats are great exemplars for how we should all live. Mykee had a great life because she had a friend who loved her every minute.
From Bing Lim:
Hi Paul,
So sorrry about Mykee. I’ve been through that with my Joey 5 years ago (Maltipoo). I did the same thing, wrapped her up with her favorite blanket and brought her to Dr. Porter. I was with her until she passed peacefully. She also had cancer (Oral Melanoma). We didn’t let her go through surgery and chemo because the prognosis was not good, and they might have to cut part of her jaw, which would make her unable to eat normally. I took her to an alternative vet and put her on holistic meds and cooked meat. She survived another 14 months when the CA specialist said 6. Now we have been raising a 5 year old 98 lb. red male doberman. He torn his right ACL last June and had to have surgery, and was restricted from runing for about 2 months. Now he is back to normal but the ortho. surgeron said it’s not uncommon for the other side to tear, too. Oh well, I just pray and hope that won’t happen. Regards.
Bing
Dear, Dear Paul,
My heart is breaking for you right now as you walk around that empty house. Mykee was such a presence in your life that will be sorely missed.
I consider myself fortunate that I got to know Mykee quite well through the years that I took care of your home and your pets. Thank you for allowing me that. She was such a shy girl, but I was proud that she got to know me and trust me and, dare I say, maybe even look forward to my visits when you were away. My own black lab nearly cheered at the words, “Let’s go to Mykee’s house!” Four times a day we did that when you were away. He always had to wait in the car, blissful that he had gotten to go for the ride accross town.
I loved going to Mykee’s house too. I love her as much as my own and I grieve for her now too. You gave her a wonderful life and the two of you are forever joined. Time will pass and the pain will, too. And the good memories will outweigh the bad. You are both in my thought and prayers.
Deb Warber
A second message from Beth Berg:
we LOVE you paul.
it’s so right that both you and Mykee were able to find such superb representatives of each other’s species to get to share all of those years with! SO right!
do take comfort in knowing that you gave your BEST to her. and that SHE knows it.
mercifully, her sweet spirit is free now.
i wonder what she’s up to today?
healing hugs from me
Paul,
I am so sorry to hear of Mykee’s passing. It was a blessing that you and she found each other and had each other for so long. Your tribute was so moving. Your strength in this difficult time is an inspiration. You and Mykee will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I like to think that at the Rainbow Bridge our departed ones meet up with other departed friends and family (human and animal) and have a nice good romp together followed by treats.
Shari Crespy
Paul,
I always enjoy reading your prose but it’s hard to celebrate such wonderful story telling given the subject matter.
I know how hard it is to make the decision to say goodbye. I know that once that decision is made how difficult it is to be present and witness those final moments. We’ve talked about those experiences before… about friends, loved ones, and cherished pets. I know all too well how difficult it is to lose someone you’ve invested so much of yourself into caring for… Mary and I had a similar experience with Scooter.
For so many of us our pets become our children and their loss is hard in ways that you can never prepare for even when you know that the end is near. For me–you are the gold standard against which all other pet owners should judge themselves. Your dedication to Mykee is exceptional and a testament to your heart.
I will always remember Mykee from our Saturday morning work sessions in your living room. Peeking around the corner at us as we talked over the latest draft of my script. She was too reserved to join us, but not so delicate as to abandon her healthy sense of curiosity. I will remember Mykee as the aloof but ever friendly spirit guarding your home. In my mind she will always be in the other room… looking in on us. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.
~ Zac Boatright
Dear Paul:
I am so sorry to hear of Mykee’s passing. I read your tribute with tears in my eyes. A GREAT dog and a wonderful companion!
Love from your friend,
Vic